The Reason for the Season

THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR! There is truly nothing better than the smell of a Christmas tree, the tune of holiday cheer, and the buzz around the city with everyone getting merry and bright. I love this time of year for so many very special reasons. It’s an especially important time in our household because it marks the birth of three of the most important men in my life: my brother, John Patrick, my boyfriend, Jared and my Savior, Jesus Christ. This season like many others, I have found myself bustling about trying to get everything that I need to done, find the perfect presents wrapped in the most perfect Pinterested bows, show everyone how much I love them through a thoughtful gift, the list goes on and on. I realized that I have been taking such good care of my loved ones and preparations for a beautiful Christmas while forgetting what this season is truly all about. The latter birthday boy: Jesus Christ. I feel conflicted to post something on social media that exposes my faith, but at the same time know that others out there may connect with where I am in my journey with God.

To my dismay, Sunday school was a requirement in our household growing up. I specifically remember throwing a tantrum on the floor of White Memorial Church, my parents each picking me up by an arm and dragging me into my Sunday school class. As the years grew, we moved churches and I was excited to socialize at my Sunday night youth group for all the wrong reasons. My older brother Stephen, aka "Raff", was very active at church, led the worship band, and was rooted in his faith. He was fascinating to me. I knew God and I felt his presence, yet never fully understood what the big deal was. On a mission trip in middle school, I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I had a powerful moment with Christ and became a true believer. I remember being on a spiritual high.

Since that day, my relationship with Christ has been flakey – on my part, not His. In high school and college, I was more interested in boys and clothes than bible study and prayer. I spent most Sundays nursing a hangover rather than getting it together and making it to church. But through it all, I knew there was a Higher Power that I went to when I needed to seek comfort from worldly pain. I found myself seeking Christ in my lower moments, and in my darkest times. I didn’t give him the credit He deserved through all of the highs in my happy, wonderful moments.

There have been times in my life when I have been very active in my faith. I talk to God every day and I thank Him for my blessings. I praise Him to the best of my ability and talk to others about Him. I read His word, and I make it to church.

I am still on the journey to be a better Christian, to seek God in my every day life and not just during the holiday season. I am a sinner, deeply flawed with insecurities, fears and anxieties. I make mistakes and I put myself first. I am human. But I know that I was made in His image and that He made me to give me purpose, hope and a future. In 2015, I hope to work on my relationship with Christ and put my dreams, my plans, my life, in His hands. I realize and understand that we all have different journeys in our faith. It comes so easy to some, and so much more difficult to others. I know that for the rest of my life there will be ups and downs in all of my relationships, including the one I have with God. No matter where we stand in our relationships with God, I hope that we each take a moment to reflect on our blessings, be thankful for what we have, and look forward to the future with hope. Jesus is the true reason for the season!

Also, my sweet mom, Martha Rafferty shared the below sentiments to her Facebook page. I thought it was too good not to share.

Happy holidays from the Rafferty family!! 20 years have come and gone but in my heart my children still look just like this. Yes the smocking was replaced by Hollister and Abercrombie and has now been traded in for business suits and J Crew sweaters. We've added a daughter in law and graduated all three from college. Frantic trips to Toys R Us and baking cookies for Santa are a thing of the past (until the grandchildren come along ???) Now I just type in a credit card number and bring the (very small but always expensive) packages in from the front porch. Those little angels were always snug in their beds on Christmas Eve. This year it's a scheduling feat to have them all arrive on Christmas morning! The once fragrant evergreen boughs are artificial now but still loaded with the handmade preschool ornaments I can't bring myself to throw out. Our holiday traditions have changed and evolved to suit a growing family, but the reason for the season has not. We have been blessed beyond measure in our lives, and Christmas is a time of gratitude. And so we are thankful. For these three who have grown into happy, successful adults. For our home, for our friends and family, and for the opportunity to give to those less fortunate. And for the freedom to worship and give thanks to our Lord and Savior, whose birth we celebrate with great joy. Merry Christmas All.

#nofilter

One scroll through my newsfeed and I am exhausted. I think I am friends with world’s most perfect human beings. I am confident in who I am, but I instantly start to compare my life: my clothes, my vacations, my body, my job, my family, my relationship…Ladies, does anyone feel me?

As women we have so much pressure to have it all, do it all and be all…to everyone and everything. I get so easily overwhelmed with trying to have everything, be great at everything I do, and look good doing it. Society wants us to be independent, but not a pushy bitch.  Be confident, but not conceited. Be humble, but not a door mat. Be curvy and skinny and athletic all at the same time. Have a healthy tan, but don’t go in the sun. Take care of the household chores and the children, but make sure you are financially independent. Be “one of the guys”- love football and nachos, but remain a size 2. Be beautiful, but all-natural. Be creative, but not outside-the-box.

It’s exhausting, contradicting, and impossible. As women today our self confidence is built on the number of people who like our Instagram posts rather than our actions and character. We compare our lives to other people through filtered pictures of one moment in time. Who is going to showcase anything other than a hot boyfriend, perfect children, amazing clothes, and mouth watering meals? It has created narcissistic people obsessed with portraying a fake glimpse of who they really are. Honestly Beyonce, outside of you, who wakes up looking like anything other than a pubescent teenager? I am just as guilty as the next person in feeding into this unrealistic reality.

I have to stop and remind myself that no one’s life is as what it seems. We are all going through our own struggles no matter what our social media story says. We have to stop comparing and competing and just be happy with what our life looks like unfiltered. I hope to focus more on what’s happening in each and every moment rather than focusing on what moment will get the most "likes". I hope to be grateful, humble, and human and accept my flaws and insecurities while loving the strengths and beauty in others. At the end of the day, the truth is that real life has #nofilter…although if I could choose one for my own it would probably be Valencia. I want to try and make an effort to put down my phone and be more present, more engaged, and more involved with the time and experiences that are flying by. Who’s with me??

A Tribute to Gigi

Hello, blog. It’s been awhile! I always struggle with what I want the black hole of the internet to know about me. Nothing too personal, politically incorrect, or content that would put me at risk of losing my job will make the cut. But there are certain topics in my life (mostly just friends & family, hence below posts) that I want to share and feel passionate enough to write about. The idea of writing this post came to me in the shampoo aisle. I was in the process of smelling all the scents of the different shampoos trying to decide which to buy. I opened a bottle of Pert Plus and was instantly knocked over by memories from my childhood spent with my late grandmother, lovingly known as Gigi.

When I was about four or five years old, I had just returned from attending my very first wedding. It was a Friday, so per usual I was spending it with Gigi, my dad’s mom who lived less than a mile up the road.  We spent most of our Friday’s together when I was this age doing all sorts of things like running her dogs in the parking lot of Lead Mine Elementary, baking, going to see movies at the Six Forks theater, McDonald’s breakfast, or sitting around the kitchen table drinking black cows. On this particular Friday I was still star struck from the wedding I had attended the weekend before. Gigi was asking me all the details of the day. It wasn't until she asked me one specific question that I hesitated.

“Are you going to invite me to your wedding one day?” she asked. There was a long pause before I said, “I don’t think so.”

“Well why not, Katherine?”

“You’ll be D-E-D.”

I actually don’t even remember this moment, and I barely remember that wedding. But it wasn't a true visit with Gigi if she didn't tell this story at least once. She would throw her head back, clap her hands, and laugh her infamous laugh. Years later she told me that friends, neighbors, even her dentist would always ask how her granddaughter (the one that told her she would be D-E-D) was doing.

This story represents a lot of what I loved about my grandmother. She wasn’t easily offended by the harsh reality of life. She didn’t tip toe around feelings or beat around the bush to get to the point. She was real, honest, and tough. It wasn’t hard to figure out what she was thinking, because she always told you. She laughed easily and often. Judging from the story above, I think I adopted a lot of her personality very early on in my life.  

As I grew older, I found myself spending hours at her house just talking about life, hers and mine. She knew all of my friends, and they knew her. We have a tradition to honk whenever we drive by her house. A lot of my friends adopted that tradition without ever having met her.  After a college breakup I remember I was divulging all my heartbroken details trying not to cry because she would've told me to suck it up. She listened intently; it was probably the highlight of her day. Drama like that didn't come around all that often. She gave me some of the best wisdom and advice that I will take with me forever. Sure enough, living that advice set me on the right path.

 Looking back now I wish I would've written everything down. I wish I would've gone over for a visit when I couldn't find the time, or called her more often just to ask her about her day. But I am lucky because I get to cherish all the moments I did get to spend with her. I get to live out the advice that she was always giving, whether I wanted to hear it or not. A lot of people don’t live close to their grandparents or even really get to know who they are as people. I was lucky to call Gigi my friend. She loved me, listened, taught me, challenged me, guided me, and most importantly she changed me. She helped shape me into the woman that I am today.

I can’t write about Gigi without mentioning my Dad. I am an extension of him and he an extension of her. My dad gave up a huge part of his life to be by Gigi’s side. To tirelessly care for her, help her, keep her in good health, talk to her, and ensure she was never lonely. He saw her every day without fail and demonstrated what true unconditional love is. Dad, I wish my words could express how amazed I am at all the hard work and selflessness you have shown and continue to show. The world needs more dads, husbands, and sons like you.

A few weeks before Gigi passed she told me I better hurry up and get married so she could prove my four year old self wrong. I wish I was wrong. But I know she’s watching over all of her family and I will forever cherish all of the special moments that we shared together. 

In loving memory of Mary Jean Rafferty, aka "Gigi"